Swabbing the Deck!

SO my boys may or may not watch a great deal of Disney in the morning while I am still getting my bearings for the day and one of their favs is "Jake and the never land pirates."  My loving father in law came over a few weeks past and helped me get my house back into showing condition after the WHOLE house got the nasty stomach bug. While he was mopping the floors Micah yelled out Grandpa your swabbing the deck! Grandpa got quite and chuckle of out it and thought he was really cute. Well the NEXT time Grandpa came over  ( it's been a weekly occurance)  to help me out with all of the GUY odd jobs around the house, Micah very excitedly said papa will you teach ME how to swab the deck? So Grandpa and Micah swabbed the deck in the kitchen and the bathroom and even Riah joined in a for a few turns. It was VERY cute and hey I didn't have to do it so that was also a nice plus. I have pictures but un fortunately left them in Pueblo so I will upload them at a later date.

Grandpa also hung up Christmas lights out side for us and worked on my poor looking Christmas tree a little too ( I'm not a huge fan of making the Christmas tree look like a tree) it's too much work.

Again more pics for a later date.

This past weekend Grandpa, grandma and nana ( Grandma's mom) kept the boys so I could have a much needed girls night out and then I went and stayed an extra night as well. It was really nice to see the boys with their very beloved Nana. Riah LOVES to get in her lap and snuggle and cover her in wet slobbery kisses ( he really get the job done, holds ya down and everything) and Micah is mostly just getting used to have two grandma's in the same house. And Jonah really likes having another grandma around to feed him 24/7 whatever he wants.

I WISH I had pics of this because Riah decided he wanted to help to Nana in the kitchen and he had a blast with it, she was SOO good and patient with him, I need to read a chapter of her book when it comes to that. The kitchen is MINE and my escape or at least it used to be when Tom was here so I could cook dinner every night. But I supposed to it wouldn't hurt to let the boys in on all the fun once in a while too :)

I got another letter from Tom, which was nice since he didn't get to call this weekend like he normally does. I just LOVE my letters from him, it totally makes my day. I also wrote him one in a spiral, it was fun to write and made me dizzy all at the same time, i didn't read it first to make sure he could follow my craziness tho, hopefully he'll figure it out.


Oh and like my new blog layout? that was courtesy of my big sis Jodi blog designer extraordinaire :)

Calmed Down

So the day started out crazy and stressful but it has since calmed down, it could possibly be because of the half Margarita I had or just having a SEMI peaceful day.

My boy drive me crazy there is no way around it but they are also VERY sweet. They might not pick up their toys right away but when Micah gets into it he cleans until the job is DONE and then gets after his brothers to do that same. and he is SOOO polite gosh I love that kid, he is always saying thank you for EVERYTHING. Thank you for taking me or us to preschool mommy, it's lots of fun. Or thank you for this dinner mommy it's real yummy. Just melts my heart. He is also teaching his brothers to do the same. Very rarely does Jonah ask for something without saying please and then follows with a thank you. Riah is pretty good about it too.

Tonight i was dropping the boys off with Tom's parents and grandma for them to keep them for the night so I could have a VERY needed girls night. and Riah was snuggled into Nana and Jonah was snuggled into Grandpa and Micah came over and gave me a big hug and then kissed me and said boy germs and repeated LOL he is so funny. They are just such sweet boys.

Micah has started this head tilting thing it's funny and annoying all at the same time cause he talks while he tilts his head back and forth.

Jonah is continuing to talk up a storm and LOVES to talk to daddies pic on my phone, I love it and hate it all at the same time but mostly I am just THRILLED that he's not forgetting who daddy is because of that picture.

Riah is cuddly as ever and he is learning a lot right now. He is learning his ABC's and he was able to find Micah's sticker card at preschool on his own and his too, his teacher and I were VERY impressed. and he's also learning his colors.

I had a rough week as my last post suggested or just flat out said. But at the end of the day I am GRATEFUL that I have my boys to keep me company and keep me on my toes. Tom isn't here but he left me with 3 mini's to take his place for a short while.

I got another letter from Tom. he wrote on tiny notebook paper front and back 12 pages, made my day for him to take that much time to write me :)

I also had a GREAT friend remind me that I don't have to know WHY I'm so upset just that I am and that's enough and I don't have to explain it.

And the girls night with my incredible life group was a huge help too. It's so great to be REAL with friends and just have a good time drinking and pigging out.

God has really given me GREAT and AWESOME people to help me through this rough patch of being away from Tom, I couldn't be more thankful for that.

Warning... I am NOT HAPPY!

Tom left 4 weeks and 2 days ago I was ok, I talked to him 1 week and 1 day ago ALL day long. Now I'm NOT OK.... I thought the HARDEST part was going to be the first part, of being in a house ALONE for the FIRST time EVER and be TERRIFIED about it. I was FINE... it took a few nights but I was SLEEPING and surviving ... Now life just SUCKS

Nothing makes me happy and the kids drive me more and more insane by the hour. Every little thing said, commented about or even looks in my general direction MAKE ME MAD!.

I am covered in paper work every other day for one thing or another and of course it needs IMMEDIATE attention. I am constantly ready to run away.. ( well to GJ) but I know that won't MAKE ME HAPPY either because the ONLY place I want to be is TEXAS wow NEVER thought I would say THOSE words.

If I hear what can I do for you ONE more time I am going to LOSE it ( minus the inlaws who are acutally HELPFUL) ok Life group isn't included in that either but ANYONE else

I don't know what I need done, if you want to help take the kids, make dinner do SOMETHING just STOP asking me.

I was writing Tom and letter EVERYDAY and now I can't muster enough words of ENCOURAGEMENT to tell him and so i don't write. Which is know is upsetting to him, but I can't be REAL in these letters because he HAS to GET THROUGH. And lets face it my encouragement bucket is EMPTY.

I was keeping the house semi decent and now i just DON'T care. well I do but not enough to do anything about it. The house is decorated for Christmas but only for the kids. I would be  scrooge this year without them.

We got paid so that's a positive, mostly a positive so that I can't be MAD about that too, but i"m sure I can find SOMETHING to be upset about it.

I HATE this... I am NOT this person but I CANNOT shake it. I've even had 2 nights of ADULT conversation and still NOTHING .

I have an AMAZING life group that I would be LOST without and WONDERFUL inlaws but none of them are TOM. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and now I think I went the wrong way and am wandering around lost, and the only person that can FIND me is Tom because he will have the answer of where the light really is.

I read my daily devotion from Joyce Meyer but it's not what I needed to hear that day anymore like it was when he left.

27 more days, I sincerely hope I'm not turned Goth by then, the way I'm going my wardrobe will be black by next week :( Ok not really because I won't go by black clothes but you get the picture I hope.

The Tree

So we have this little boy named Micah that is CRAZY about Christmas and AS SOON as anyone even mentioned it he was all ready to jump right into the Christmas spirit so I went to look for our tree, and didn't find it and then remembered that due to unfortunate events ( aka Riah) and the fact that the tree was very cheap. SO I had to go buy new one... I Went ALL BY MYSELF, that totally sucked btw because other families were getting trees together. But I did it I conquered my fear of not wanting to set up anything Christmas without Tom and I DID IT. I was even contemplating having the boys lose their preschool spots and just moving in with my parents for the next who knows to avoid it but I pulled myself together and with my mommy's help we put the tree up and the boy proof ornaments.

I also ordered us some new stockings since I don't remember if Riah ever got a stocking and I know Jonah doesn't have one. We have NEVER had Christmas here so we just kind of Forgot ooops. But now we ALL will have NEW stockings. All 4 boys including the Big one will have camo stockings and then I picked out my own girly one :)

The first day I wanted to shoot my children for how off the wall they were acting with a tree but things have settled down somewhat with day 2.

I got to talk to Tom tonight :) made my day. Ever since Thanksgiving getting to talk to him all day pretty much I've been in a low mood ever since because I just want to talk to him more.

I've been spoiled this week thursday I got all day, and then I got a call on Sunday and then another tonight. I am at the point tho where although I love all of our friends here and have amazing support I and just ready to be back with my husband so I'm hoping that tech school in long and in the same place so that we can move and be closer to him.

He said he did the obstacle course today and it was just like a big kid play ground. He was SOOO happy it was great to hear, because the other times he's just been really homesick and ( sorry Tom) there have been tears each phone call. SO tonight having him upbeat and excited was a GREAT change, tomorrow he does the gas chamber so that will be interesting to hear about on sat when he calls again.


Jonah can now climb up and DOWN the bunk bed stairs. tonight he went in as soon as I opened the door for the chance to wake Micah up it was pretty funny. He is getting so big well mentally and ability wise I guess he is still very tiny size wise. I feel like Tom is missing out on a lot tho. He has grown attached to a stuffed dog we got a few years ago and walks around saying woof woof with it, it is so cute and he can count to 3 over and over again.

The boys got new hair cuts, they gave them mirrors and paint brushes to keep them occupied while they cut their hair. I thought that was a neat idea. and my boys much more handsome now :)

We also went out for ice cream that day just for fun. But poor Jonah fell asleep before he could get his ice cream.

The boys were popsicles half way through tho and didn't finish it. Apparently a fall day when sun is going down isn't the best idea for ice cream ;)

YAY!!!!!!!! I FINALLY got to talk to Tom, it was SOOO good to just be able to hear from him. Now I just want him HOME NOW!.

I feel like the time is going by fairly quickly I would just like it to go that much faster.
He said he got laundry duty which he was happy about because tat gives him time away from the TI's and time to study LOTS.

I miss him SOO much tonight, but I was really glad to hear from him. I almost didn't recognize that it was him for a minute.

He's supposed to get to call every weekend so at least I will have something to look forward to every week for NOW.

The boys are growing SOO much. Micah went into his room and found ( matching) jammies and put them on, he told me his clothes were dirty and it was time for him to have Jammies on. He is such a smart and sweet boy.
Riah is sort of back sliding with potty training but he is talking more and more and in better sentences.

Jonah is just too smart for him own good and is also a little talker, most family members don't believe me when I tell them Jonah is the one talking not one of the other boys.

Well we have 47 more days until i get to go and see Tom I literally cannot wait and until then I will continue to find things to spoil my sweet little nieces with for Christmas :) and probably nephews too.

It's been just over a week and we are ALL still alive. SO there's a plus.
If my financial situation hops on a roller coaster again tho I don't know what I will do. SOOOO Many decisions and things to figure out. I swear my phone either rings making me stop what i'm doing and work on whatever the caller needs RIGHT NOW. or my e-mail is full of not so fun information and yet again that consumes my day.
Yesterday I didn't get any calls in the morning PRAISE GOD and was able with WONDERFUL help to FIND my bathroom and Bedroom.. OMG that was HUGE it was BAD worse then I would like to admit.
However last night once again I received more info that needed immediate attention.

I am proud to report that the boys and I had a FULL dinner yep that's right folks  a scartch, meat, fruit, veggie and dairy. I felt like a REAL mom again. We won't go into our last weeks consumptions. It may however consisted of a can, a box and something frozen but it was a FULL dinner and THAT is grounds for celebration.

I am sleeping better which is a lot better for my patience seeing as how my boys are up before 6:30am these days and expect me to be ALIVE. Silly little boys don't realize anything before 9 is considered TOO EARLY. Yea you try explaining that to a 4, 3 and 1 year old I double dog dare ya.

Still no letter and or phone call from Tom :( I have my down moments but can pretty quickly pick my self back up and move on with the day.

I am however hopeful that he will call TOMORROW because others in his flight have gotten to already. Speaking of how I know that. They have this nice facebook group specifically for your airman's flight and only family members/ significant others are allowed ot JOIN the group. Lets just say it makes me feel ANCIENT. MOST are girlfriends of airmen fresh out of high school. and the other half are mom's that their high schooler just left home.

I may be horribly insensitive but half the time I want to tell them to SHUT up and when they have been married for 4 years with 3 kids under the age of 4 then they may speak again. like I said it may make me insensitive but the truth is their boyfriend or son are not going BACK home. They go from Basic to Tech School to their new base and then wait for DEPLOYMENT.  Only is you are MARRIED do you get to move onto base with them.

ok ranting done.

So I guess in a nut shell we are all still ALIVE and ticking and doing pretty ok for the most part.

God is definitely with us and I do find comfort in that. HE has been ALL over this from day 1 of meeting with the recruiter and if you have God on your side you can endure ANYTHING.

Well it has been 4 days on my own and I am doing pretty good so far.

Wed the day Tom actually left but I didn't get to see him was also Halloween and I picked the boys up int he morning from our good friends house and took the boys to preschool for their Harvest Party and last day at that preschool, then Tom's dad drove our blazer down so that I would have it here and not have to leave it there in Pueblo. SO we went over there and fed the boys some lunch and put them down for naps and then Grandpa carved a pumpkin for them which they really liked. Then he went and bought some dinner and got them ready for Trick or Treating.

The boys had a blast and Micah told me each house they went to the next day on our way home.

Thursday the boys went to preschool and then we came home and had some comfort food of mac n cheese for dinner in a big bowl on the couch together.

Fri was a home all day day and I was DONE.

Today we went to a friends birthday party and the boy got to hang out with their friends and then we came home and Paul and Gloria brought over pizza and Paul gave the boys a bath ( that was desperately needed) and now the boys are CRASHED on the couch and have been for an hour and half now.

Tomorrow we will go to church and wait for Daddy to call hopefully.

Well the day has officially come, Tom is at Basic right this second and it came like a whirl wind.

I was falling asleep during the boys naptime and the phone rang, I didn't want to get up and hang up on another political recording so I just let it ring. Then the voice mail picks up and it's not a political caller it's Tom's Air Force Recruiter, I fly across the room to the phone because Micah and Riah have answered it on speaker phone. His recruiter said it's urgent that I speak to Tom and he's not answering his phone. I assure him I will locate him and have him call back ASAP. I call Tom a dozen times and NO answer by this time I am panicing. I don't know if THIS is the CALL or not and don't know what to do so I called my Father in law who has Tom's bosses number because I just feel it in my bones that this is urgent. I call his boss and he says he's track him down and have him call me.
 Every 10 minutes or so I try Tom again and FINALLY he answers the phone. I quickly tell him to call the recruiter and he does. About 10 minutes later he calls and says what are you doing? I said nothing ( waiting patiently for whatever news he just received) He says are you sitting down? Yes! DO you have a minute to talk? YES! What's going on? Well I just talked to the recruiter and he offered me and job and I ship out on Tuesday. TUESDAY????? Yes now I have to go I will talk to you later. My heart leaps out of my chest and I frantically call my mom who is unable to understand a word I say. Then I call various other people including one of my good friends who gets off work instantly and heads for my house. I was just sitting in shock yet 50 million things were running through my mind of ok what do we do NOW?  2 hours later seemed like 2 weeks later Tom came home and said I quit my job it's official it's starting now.

The past few days have been hectic and crazy. We woke up Saturday morning and got the kids ready and shuffled through paper work and headed to Colorado Springs to drop the kids off with Tom's cousin and his wife that so graciously decided to take them for the day so we could go and talk to his recruiter. Then his cousin took on a tour of the base since we'd never been on one before. We came back and ate dinner and crashed. The next day we went to church and tried to hold in the tears, and then spent the rest of the day at his parents house. Came home and packed him up, and went to bed. Next day we took the kids to our wonderful friends house so they could keep them for what we thought was going to be a night. Then we took a wild goose chase around Canon City getting some paper work taken care of. Headed back to the recruiters office for Tom's final farewell to him. Decided on some lunch since neither of us had, had an appetite in that past few days. Then we headed to Denver and went shopping for a record able story book for Tom to read to the boys so they could hear his voice whenever they wanted to. While he did that I went to get halloween costumes for the boys since Tom didn't want to see them since he didn't get to take them trick or treating this year. Then we headed to the hotel to check in and walked around down town until dark, said our goodbyes and I drove to Pueblo to stay the night with his parent so his dad could drive me back for the swear in so I wouldn't be alone. We got there at 7am and then finally around 11am Tom came and found us to tell us that he was NOT shipping out that day because they didn't get him a flight so he would be in Denver another day, I then call and beg one of my friends to come and get me later that night so I can spend one more day with Tom since his dad had to head back to Pueblo to take care of his mom. My friend agreed so after about another hour of waiting or maybe 2 we got his paper work and walked back to the hotel to drop off his stuff and then just walked up and down the 16th street mall all day and had dinner with our good friends that came to rescue me, had a long goodbye and then the next day Tom swore in and was off to Lack Land Air Force Base in San Antonio TX.

Surprisingly I have been ok so far it's been over 24 hours since I have seen Tom now and I'm still doing pretty good. The weekend was def the hardest letting it all sink in and coming to the realization that we won't have Christmas together this year because he will graduate 3 days after ( give or take). I was able to text back and forth with Tom yesterday quite and bit and he was able to see a pic of the boys in their halloween costumes. We will just take it one day at a time and hope that the next 8 1/2 weeks fly by.  

Going to Explode

This is very to the point and in your face, I am quite emotional right now and didn't know the flood gates were this close to bursting but they are so watch out.

I am a wreck, I feel like a horse chasing a fake carrot but I don't know it's fake and I won't give up. Our family is going to be going through a HUGE change yet we don't know when, where , for how long and what we are supposed to do in the mean time. We have been in this game for over a year now still there is no end in sight. Yet it is drawing eerily near, I can feel it in my bones. Tom could be getting the WHEN right now as I type this out. It is a HUGE elephant in my already very small 2 bed room house. I will be without my husband for at the least 3 months but more realistically 8 or 9. I have been alone at night with the boys on my own the total of ONE night in our ENTIRE marriage. And now we are talking 8 or 9 months starting within the next few months. I have turned into quite the CONTROL freak I am constantly wanting to organize or schedule things. I have NEVER been this bad and get very over whelmed at the drop of a hat. I get stressed about things such as who is going to babysit so I can keep my commitments and help out with this? How are we going to afford what will be like a part time nanny?

Who is going to MOW THE LAWN? Who will fix the car when it needs it? Who is going to deal with Micah when I have just had enough? Who is going to snuggle on the couch with Jonah late at night just because he can? Who is going to take Riah fishing? Who is going to help me with the bath times 3 when I am just to tired to get to it? Who is going to give me permission to order pizza when I've had a rough day?
Who is going to keep me within my budget so I don't cause us to be homeless by the time he comes back? Who will lock the door at night? and jump out of bed and out the front door with a wooden bat to check what that noise was? Or blast me out of bed in the morning when I keep ignoring the alarm clock? Who is going to chain the garbage can down so the bear doesn't come for a visit or switch the car-seats for me for the millionth time that week?  Or give me a 30 min nap in the middle of the day because my eyes just won't stay open?

And this is only THIS year and he will just be TRAINING and NOT at WAR I can't even imagine going through actual DEPLOYMENTS.

I already feel that I fail as a mom how can I be mom and dad?

He's not gone yet, yet part of him left a few months ago when he signed in. We spend less and less time together and have shorter fuses every day. And my house is still not COMPLETELY clean and organized so I am constantly stressed because I don't have enough hours in my day to clean and organize and make breakfast and get the boys to and from preschool and make a better lunch than peanut butter on bread and then make dinner and read stories and work on preschool books and play dinosaurs and pay bills and talk to  an adult and do the dishes that just keep coming no matter how many time I clean them or the laundry or every day keeping up. I spent 2 hours last night just organizing because I could, the boys were in bed I wouldn't be distracted. While Tom is busy trying to sell everything in sight because he's afraid I am going to kill our budget when he's gone and not here to keep tabs on me.

Will I be ok in Canon City my home for the last 4 years or do I really NEED to move closer to my mom and brother and sister in law and actually see my niece and nephews grow up. Can I stand on my two feet or am I foolish to even think about trying? Will all of those church ladies really step up and help? Will going to Life group just make me miss him that much more because everyone else has their spouse with them?

Will I actually keep making dinners or will the poor boys grow over tired of pb sandwiches and will I be transparent when he returns?

I have all of these plans and the way that I want things to work out with the timing of it all and how it should all work but I know that military doesn't necessarily agree with my PLANS nor God for that matter. I think I have it all figured out and then I get a curve ball that makes me throw all of my plans in the air with the fan on tossing them all over the place.

Will I find the RIGHT preschool and elementary schools when the time comes? Will I put Micah in school at the right time? Will my house EVER actually stay CLEANED and PICKED UP? I keep telling myself that if the house was bigger and we had more room than it would be easier to keep it nice. I forgot to remind myself that I have 3 little boys that like to disrupt my PLANS and toss toys here, there and everywhere ( sorry lots of Dr. Seuss lately) I want to keep this blog going so Tom can come back home and read it and not feel like he missed out. Will I ACTUALLY do it though? I don't have a very good track record.

So many questions without answers, at least I know that God is with me and will get me through this very unknown part of this BIG ADVENTURE... just please God not OVER SEAS YET!