Warning... I am NOT HAPPY!

Tom left 4 weeks and 2 days ago I was ok, I talked to him 1 week and 1 day ago ALL day long. Now I'm NOT OK.... I thought the HARDEST part was going to be the first part, of being in a house ALONE for the FIRST time EVER and be TERRIFIED about it. I was FINE... it took a few nights but I was SLEEPING and surviving ... Now life just SUCKS

Nothing makes me happy and the kids drive me more and more insane by the hour. Every little thing said, commented about or even looks in my general direction MAKE ME MAD!.

I am covered in paper work every other day for one thing or another and of course it needs IMMEDIATE attention. I am constantly ready to run away.. ( well to GJ) but I know that won't MAKE ME HAPPY either because the ONLY place I want to be is TEXAS wow NEVER thought I would say THOSE words.

If I hear what can I do for you ONE more time I am going to LOSE it ( minus the inlaws who are acutally HELPFUL) ok Life group isn't included in that either but ANYONE else

I don't know what I need done, if you want to help take the kids, make dinner do SOMETHING just STOP asking me.

I was writing Tom and letter EVERYDAY and now I can't muster enough words of ENCOURAGEMENT to tell him and so i don't write. Which is know is upsetting to him, but I can't be REAL in these letters because he HAS to GET THROUGH. And lets face it my encouragement bucket is EMPTY.

I was keeping the house semi decent and now i just DON'T care. well I do but not enough to do anything about it. The house is decorated for Christmas but only for the kids. I would be  scrooge this year without them.

We got paid so that's a positive, mostly a positive so that I can't be MAD about that too, but i"m sure I can find SOMETHING to be upset about it.

I HATE this... I am NOT this person but I CANNOT shake it. I've even had 2 nights of ADULT conversation and still NOTHING .

I have an AMAZING life group that I would be LOST without and WONDERFUL inlaws but none of them are TOM. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel and now I think I went the wrong way and am wandering around lost, and the only person that can FIND me is Tom because he will have the answer of where the light really is.

I read my daily devotion from Joyce Meyer but it's not what I needed to hear that day anymore like it was when he left.

27 more days, I sincerely hope I'm not turned Goth by then, the way I'm going my wardrobe will be black by next week :( Ok not really because I won't go by black clothes but you get the picture I hope.